Postmaster

Dear UPS, Fed-Ex, USPS and DHL:

If you could kindly leave any and all packages at the front door (as opposed to the garage door, to avoid backing over a delivery of chocolate chip cookies from Mrs. Fields), we would certainly appreciate it. Also, we do have the modern convenience of a doorbell, feel free to use it, so that we may receive our packages in a timely manner (as opposed to dropping the package at our door without notification of its arrival.) Last, please do not try to wedge our super-sized deliveries into our tiny mailbox, as it is still recovering from the last delivery, which we needed a crowbar to remove our fragile package.

With Regards,

Christina

PS - We are able to water our lawn again, as we recently fixed the sprinkler you plowed over last spring. Cheers!